


Kotarou

by TakasugiKotarou



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternative Timeline, M/M, fluffy/comforting, softcore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-01 23:59:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15784806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakasugiKotarou/pseuds/TakasugiKotarou
Summary: Takasugi writes a poem dedicated to his life so far, including a certain someone as the focus point.





	Kotarou

The first sensuation of love.

Waking up at the crack of dawn, the sky glowing brightly warm on a boy covered in purple bruises and red splattered cuts. Family seething glares. The boy picking fights with his peers, roughhousing, asserting dominance, martial arts, nothing to protect. Coming home, disappointment, backhanded slaps, the boy falling to the ground, more colors on his arms and legs, the sting from his father more painful and cutting deeper than his peers.

The first sensation of love. 

Another boy who he had previously didn’t know the existence of opening up to him in home room class. First comrade, first friendship. Long empty field walks from school to home, june bugs humming, the darkening orange sunset resting on the smile of that long haired boy. Conversations about favorite animals and foods drifting into the night, departures until the sun would glow on the long hair boy’s face in the morning again. Family stares. Waves goodbye. The only thing the boy looked foward to was that sunshine smile from the long haired boy as his scratched up hand slid open the door leading back into his home prison.

The first sensation of love.

Avoiding family glares, disappointment, beatings for school slip ups, more red and purple colors on his limbs. Sleepovers at the long hair boy’s home that put the boy’s mind at ease for once in his life. His noticeable injuries covered with burning, stinging rubbing alcohol and tightly wrapped in bandages by the long hair boy. Dinner, just rice balls. The only thing the long haired boy could ever afford to eat. The boy feeling sick to his stomach about this fact as he chewed it down. One sleeping bag to share in an empty home with him and the orphan long haired boy. The long haired boy had an extra but tried to hide it even though the boy saw it clearly. The quiet rustle of the long haired boy moving in the sheets coming to hold the boy during his usual night terrors. The loving strokes of tiny hands caressing the purple hair out of the boy’s rapid moving swollen red eyes. The boy nuzzling deeper and deeper into the nuturing long hair boy’s chest. 

The first sensation of love.

Abandonment, last goodbyes, final views of familiar bloodkin faces. Rejection. Hated feelings. Tight small fists. The boy was on his own now, beaten and bloody from the places they once called school and from home. But they really never were to him. He picked himself up and trying to figure out his place in a universe ever flowing by the hands of a long living celestial man he did not know of yet until he entered that school. The long haired boy staying by his side, rejecting their old school for the sake of each other.

The first sensation of love.

More Friendships. It was much association he was not use to having. Jokes and laughter shared. His purpose was known at last, protecting the soul of his peers: their teacher. Dragged out school days, the sword, Samurai’s bushido, the bushido he lacked and didn’t care about, obnoxious whines of young children trying to beat their teacher at his own game. Class games, the long haired boy was too busy reading to ever play along. The boy thinking the long haired boy was a snotty brat for that. Time with other friends, time alone, time alone with the long haired boy. Aging children, nature bringing forth new feelings, the boy’s first kiss on another boy, the long haired boy. Blushing crimson faces, a slap from the long haired boy as he bolts away to tell their teacher. 

The first sensation of love.

Wars, alien foreigners, the smell of metal from the blood stained battlefields mixed in with sweat and an undying will of a White Demon and their other comrades. Weeks turning into months and then years with the blade by the now teenage boy. Victory after the endless carnage sprawled on the fields him and the long haired boy use to walk to school in. Shocking twists, the flame of the boy’s very existence being blown out: their teacher’s head flung off by the White Demon himself in an attempt to protect the boy and their friends. Anger, disgust, distrust, bonds broken. The boy woke up with an unreal throbbing pain where his right eye once was. His face was being bandage by the long haired boy whose tears were streaming uncontrollably. The long hair boy’s warm hand once again stroking the purple hair out of the boy’s face. This time the boy wasn’t crying or begging for the long haired boy to bury him in his chest. He grabbed his hand, telling him to stop comforting him. More abandonment. Turned backs, casualties and comrades carcasses the boy stepped over. The other comrades watched as he walked away. The long haired boy was alone for the first time since being an orphan. The lonely feelings came flooding back in.

The first sensation of love. 

Explosions. Dirty work, a large army bend on doing the deeds of the boy’s hateful heart. Assassins, blood curling screams fading into the air as the boy’s ship traveled from city to city in hopes of fulfilling his teacher’s will in the boy’s own corrupt way. Endless lives slaughtered from breast suckling infants to shaking elders using canes. Anything to get the explosion of loathe crackling and seething inside himself like a volcano ready to erupt. The white demon and long haired boy’s heads for exchanging business for the boy’s own benefit. The boy losing, his two former friends had won. The long haired boy’s last attempt to save the boy from himself and their love of their late teacher, the boy denying it. The long haired boy’s ambitions crushed, capitulated, regret of friendship fading into the background as the boy’s old ship was exploding. The long haired boy was reminded of his loneliness.

The first sensation of love.

Long nights with strangers, tangled up steaming bodies of unknown faces experiencing friction and lustful passion that disappears like the moon that bathed them in its glow the former night. Empty beds, an empty heart tangled with weeds where it was once blooming with bright colored flowers. The boy was alone despite having taken countless men and women into his quarters with him. It was merely a hobby to him and nothing more which didn’t bother him. It should have bothered him though. 

The first sensation of love.

Teacher’s miracle and mysterious yet shady resurrection, joy and happiness, yet regret of the boy’s bloodstained hands and the phantom howls of pain that echoed in his ears of those ones. Regret of his teacher’s true past. Changes that happened so suddenly that it blew the boy and his army away. He was ready for it though, his teacher was his everything. Was he though? Slow but steady he could do it, he could possibly change, even with doubts. Reunion with former friends. The long haired boy was much older now as was he. Denied friendships from both sides. Circumstances with the city they were born and raised in was flaming up. Rakuyou. It brought them to fight together, leave together in secret during some time after the fights outside. The first time since they were alone in the long haired boy’s own home some twenty years ago, the boy felt at ease. His heart was unraveling the weeds slowly. They became more comfortable with each other as they use to as children. 

The first sensation of love.

Emotions buried deep inside the boy since he was a little kid spung out like a defective sprinkler. Emotions of loneliness, friendship. The long haired boy keeping with his own secret emotions. 

The first sensation of love.

The boy still didn’t know what love was during all of this. He knew he loved his teacher but that was all he could fathom in his limited thought process. He couldn’t love his fellow students, not yet at least. He was still recovering from who he was. But who he actually was was buried deep over the layers of deception, lies, distrust, and rage he had built in the last decade. Back when the long haired boy knew him at his innocence. That long haired boy brought it out again, that one feeling, his first emotion imbedded into his DNA before everything else clouded his mind.

The first sensation of love. 

Sincere smiles, listening, understanding, grievances, comforting, moving on, new leaves, apologies, acceptance, reconnection. Endless conversations that this happened with. Slow dances as only the stars of the galaxy lit up his pitch black ship, the warm sensation of the long haired boy’s head on his shoulder, the grasp of his hand fitting perfectly inside the long haired boy’s soft hand as if they were always meant to fit. 

The first sensation of love.

Open feelings, confessions, explainations. Jaws open. The deepest richest feeling that the boy had ever experienced was hearing that long hair boy muster up to say those three words that the boy never heard in his life. The boy had no clue about the long hair boy’s feelings. Closested, shut down, scared was the long hair boy’s first admitings about his life in general. The long hair boy trying to play off his sexuality as straight in order to avoid slurs and culture and family traditions that usually forbid homosexuality and bisexuality. The boy comforted the long hair boy’s coming out to him as bisexual. Developing these feelings for each other for the both of them felt long overdue.

The first sensation of love.

Nervousness, aching hearts, bodies that urged now to be inseparable from each other forevermore. Lips on lips, fingers stringing in raven silk long hair, the low hum of the ship, the dark blue glow from space shining on their intertwined bodies, skin on skin, rustling white sheets, skin inside skin, soft whispers and moans, caressing, new experiences, encouragement and helping with a first time.

“My parents must have sent you to me so I wouldn’t feel all alone.” Were the faint words from the long haired boy’s smiling lips while he was under the boy that broke down the boy’s icy heart. Even more than it already was with their uncontaminated night together.

The boy sobbed into the long hair man’s chest for the first time since they were children.

These were unexplainable desires, undefiled new feelings that the boy felt during those moments. They were the most important ones he ever felt. A new morning, smiles, giggles, new relationships, needs to always be together, vows, marriage, inseparable family.

...

He was always my family. For the first time ever I felt like every single problem I ever had melted away while with him, my parents, my past, even when Sensei Yoshida Shouyou and Utsuro couldn’t save me from myself. For I was that boy and he was that long haired boy. It was the first time I ever truly could even grasp the meaning of the only thing anyone ever looks for in their lifetime. Without him I will never have that first sensation.

The only one I ever had or will have in my life,

Katsura Kotarou.

One day my Takasugi Kotarou.

My only sensation of love.


End file.
